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New glossary

A sense of humor is the Filipino’s best coping mechanism. And that’s sharpened in times of crisis.

Lawyer Edwin Lacierda sent us the euphemisms and terms he learned during the 2007 elections which he didn’t learn in law school:

1. Clerical error. Getting caught cheating and explaining it away;

2. Gossip. A teacher’s true but apprehensive testimony of clear and convincing evidence that massive election cheating took place in Maguindanao;

3. Command votes. Fabricated returns in Maguindanao and Bohol.

4. Political machinery. The pro-administration’s stalled cheating operations.

5. Palace reward. Fake P500 and P1,000 bills proliferating in Bohol for 12-0 sweep by TU.

6. Peaceful and orderly elections, When election precincts in Maguindanao open at 7 a.m. and close at 9 a.m.

7. Shocked. The new look of Chairman Abalos when he learned about massive cheating.

8. Monitoring election. When retired generals Palparan and Lomibao decide to spend quality family vacation time in Lanao without their families.

9. Sharia Law. Apart from getting more than one wife, minors can vote according to imam Lintik, este, Lintang Bedol;

10. Lintangbedol’s. A newly discovered degenerative illness which is a cross between amnesia and Alzheimer’s. Election officers are mostly prone to this disease especially those assigned to Maguindanao.

11. Racist. One who cannot be convinced why Chavit was No. 1 in Muslim Maguindanao’s peaceful and orderly elections;

12. Tonyputsa! A new expletive for an unrepentant spinmeister surpassing Bunyeta in callousness.

13.Team Unity. A new term for bloc voting. Disallowed by the Omnibus Election Code but permitted by some election inspectors.

I’m sure you have also your own discoveries of new words and phrases from this year’s election. You may add to the list.

Published inElection 2007Malaya

20 Comments

  1. 14. Investigation – the last line of defense to cover up any cheating allegations. This process usually takes a few months, sometimes over a year, and will end with no one in jail.

  2. Pathetic! Over in the Land of the Fluctuating Yen, when an investigation of scandals start, it is not only the police that creates special investigating squads, but also the media that makes sure they are ahead of the police in looking for incriminating evidences, resulting most of the times in suicides of those officials involved in the scam.

    The scandal becomes the subject of morning, noon and night talk shows. Then you have those squads of journalists and photographers waiting at the gates of the house, office and even hotel of those involved in a reported scandal to interview them and/or just take important pictures. Most of the time, those involved simply snap and kill themselves.

    Minister of Agriculture and Forestry Matsuoka just had had it and hanged himself. He was being grilled on some overspending and could not take the sudden ostracism after opposition dietmen asked him for explanation on some unexplained political fundings.

    Over in the Philippines, the idiot would even brazenly brag about giving out rice and ramen to schoolchildren so their parents can sell them at the blackmarket, which BTW is a serious crime in more progressive countries but not apparently in the Philippines where it is a major industry like the human trafficking that the idiot also brags about, and one “sipsip” of a bugaw-tongressman calls as the Philippines’ No. 1 Industry! Kakaiyak! 🙁

  3. xanadu xanadu

    15. Smooth voting – the kuting and pusa doing the thumbmarks.

    16. Orderly election – following the established method of cheating as ordered.

  4. I forgot to add that those rice and ramen are apparently bought with padded bills, and if there is nobody complaining about it, it is because it is ordinary. Everybody is doing it, I am told.

  5. xanadu xanadu

    Sarmiento stare – the surprised and uncomfortable image caught by a TV camera from a man which will signal the TU to announce that they will charge GO of massive electoral fraud.

  6. skip skip

    Honest Mistake — (noun) any error committed in earnest,
    with the perpetrator honest and
    determined in his intentions to succeed,
    but is, alas, eventually found out.

    Abalize — (verb) to be responsible for the smooth
    conduct of something and then take steps
    to sabotage it, usually for personal
    profit.

  7. xanadu xanadu

    Pampanga’s Choice – Jueteng Lord vs. Praise the Lord.

  8. xanadu xanadu

    D’GOTU Code- The operation perfected by the COMELEC in the form of vote shaving and padding that took votes from the Genuine Opposition (GO) and gave them to the pro-administration Team Unity (TU).

  9. I like this joke:

    Kapag manalo si Cayetano, mababaliw si Mike Arroyo.
    Kapag manalo si Trillanes, mababaliw si Gloria.
    Kapag manalo si Pichay, mababaliw tayo lahat!

  10. parasabayan parasabayan

    Heh,heh,heh…Eto pa, kapag kumain ka ng Pichay deretso sa rectum(Recto)…Kadiri( Subiri)!

  11. xanadu xanadu

    Gloria Macagarapal Arroyo’s brand of economy is patterned after these:

    If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

  12. xanadu xanadu

    A gag writer wrote: No need to make jokes nowadays. Just watch how Mrs. Arroyo, Ermita, Bunye, Saludo, Claudio and Abalos make announcement for the government and report the facts.

  13. skip skip

    Miggle (verb) – to sneak oneself into a place where one does not belong, usually accompanied by wriggling, squirming motions and the frenzied handing out of bribes.

    T You! – a swear phrase that is a contraction of “Tanga You” (You’re a stupid fool) or “Talunan You” (What a loser). It’s considered more offensive than the “F” word because it implies association with Team Unity, an administration ticket in the 2007 Philippine Midterm Elections, which, despite employing massive cheating, still lost big time.

    Prosperize – (verb) – to flush insane amounts of money down the toilet.

  14. xanadu xanadu

    GMA’s reputation: What others are not thinking of you.

  15. TonGuE-tWisTeD TonGuE-tWisTeD

    Disturbing Headlines:

    1. Arson Suspect Held in Comelec Fire
    2. Another Pampanga Barangay Captain Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    3. Cheating in Lanao Mushrooms
    4. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery on Election Day; Hundreds Dead
    5. Two Passenger Buses Collide; One Dies
    6. Citizens’ Arm Looking for Head
    7. Gloria’s Partymates Lose, But More Lies Ahead
    8. Burgos Son Still Missing; AFP Spokesman Believes Soldiers Have Not Seen Him
    9. Abalos, Commissioners Help Cheat Victims
    10. Opposition Congressmen Cut In Half

  16. xanadu xanadu

    Tongue T

    Grabe naman ang headlines mo, daming namatay sa sementeryo. Hehehehe!!!

  17. mher mher

    election means – **E**-scudero tunay nga siya’y karapatdapat / **L**-oren & acson sbi nila pagisamahin natin ang ating pwersa laban sa corruption, sbi ni loren ako sa **Ermita** at ikaw na ang pumili syo marami nman cla.**E**-scudero sbi nya ako na nmn pinagkakatiwalaan tlaga ako C- ayetano gawin ninyo lahat pero di ninyo mapipigil ang mga tao kaso kawawa ang mga watchers kay arroyo sa pampanga kasi di zero ang idol nmin ibig sabihin wla clang maagang pamasko T- rillanes hawak kayo ay rehas na bakal pero ang puso ko ang sambayanang Filipino bakit kulang di ba may *i o n* pa, i-big sabihin ung mga nabanggit sigurado ng mananalo **O** -ption na lang kasi bka sabihin ng team unity madamot cla sige na nga pagbigyan n c joker kasi lagi nmn siyang pwede kya nga joker tawag s kanya bka mag walk out pa, ung **N** cgro lahat tyo alam ntin ang ibig sbihin ng n, right ito ung mga independent candidates paano si Villar at Angara cla kasi mga balimbing kya di sinama.

  18. Emilio_OFW Emilio_OFW

    Wholesale cheating – a process during election in Maguindanao in which the “dream” of Tonyputsa Albano of a 12-0 sweep for the Team Unity Team Arroyo (TUTA)senatoriable candidates.

  19. xanadu xanadu

    Cheat-risit-cheat:Ang bagong national anthem sa ilalim ng kasalukuyang administrasyon.

  20. xanadu xanadu

    Hirap pumaok dito sa blog, pheww!!

    Thrilla in Pampanga 2007- Labanan ng:

    1. Anak ng Jueteng
    2. Anak ng Vulcan
    3. Anak ng Diyos

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